Am alone

Alone--mentally alone!

my family is out of town. me staying at my relatives place. Have companion to talk to but not personally :'( totally out of place. All adding up my mental stress and all places are haunting. how do I explain it--I dont know :'(. I dont have friends--close friends--at work. Dont want to yap general stuff to my hi-bye friends. I need "someone" (physically existing nearby) to whom I can go and say "I am feeling bad, please do/say something"--like the kid in the movie Anjali says "enaku azhuga azhugayaa varuthu, ethaaavathu pannennnnnnn". Other close friends are busy with job and family. Agreed that everyone has their own problems but to me now mine is difficult to handle. no mood to do any stuff. Heart is heavy all the time. To be frank, its aching. Feel like dying only :'( Controlling my tears. No person nearby who matches my frequency, so that I can do stuff to avoid this mood. Just passing every sec with great difficulty :'( :'( feeling jealous if I see people going in a group, chit chatting, enjoying themselves. office, home, other places--I hate to go.

how many books do I read or hear advice from others :'( why am i not able to change myself. Why is it difficult for me to overcome these senti feelings? why am i not happy for whatever I have? Hhmm