"Amma Vanthaachu"

My guys are back home. Yehhhhh :-):-) They had a _nice_ time at Chennai and Vellore. Engha amma'ku orae pallu thaan face'la. all smiling only :D Paati veetuku + avangha cousin sisters veetuku elaam poyitu vanthathu avanghaluku santhosham.

Ukaantha edathula nalla saaaptutu vanthutu, ippa she is cribbing like a small kid to cook here :-) "Cha, evloo jollya irunthutu vanthen, ippa naanae samaikanuma??" nu kaetutae irukaangha. idhula nakkal vera..she keeps telling this dialogue "naanae ezhuthi, naanae nadikanuma?" LOL :D

btw, sis is not feeling well. Her ankles are swollen and she is finding difficult to walk :( she has been telling since sometime, and consulted a doc too. Not sure whether he diagonised properly. He gave some tablets, so we took it light. Even during the trip also, she was having severe leg pain it seems. Thought due to lot of walking there. But after coming here, she started crying also :( "naan phone'la solrappa nee serious'vae eduthukala"nu azharaa :'(

Sterday mom and sis went to hospital, and came to know that it could be the initial stage of "Cellolitis" (infection maathri). Advanced stage ponaa operation pannaumnu sonaaraam. I was scared :( But for her its in the initial stages, so we can cure by antibiotics it seems. 2 days ponaa theriyum. I am a bit upset due to this.

Really painful to see the close ones when they fall sick la? hhmm

Anyways, its cozy to be at my home. am very relaxed!

Happy mood :-)

Today is going good so far. Am happy since morning :-) Most of the times, I post here when i am dull. I want to blog today when I am feeling happy :-). Day started with his call, came early to office, talked to him again for sometime. we didnt talk to each other for 4-5 days. So compensated today :p
I was angry at him, myself for something, so tried hard not to talk to him but could continue only till wednesday and all the bad feelings dissolved within myself when he called to my mobile instead of the landline at his home and I heard his dull tone saying "Missing you di. Its been 4 days since we talked properly." sooo sweeet :-) kovam elaam engha pochunae therla :p

Me listening to the songs of a Telugu movie, Lakshmi, which I watched recently with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. Liked couple of songs:

1. Naenu puttindhaemo neekosamae, perugindhi nee kosamae :-) I like the first 2/3 lines especially :-) other lines avlo nallaa irukaathu. I dont understand--athu reason :p

2. Thaara thaluku thaara--good music.

Have a nice weekend everyone!

Me all smiles :-)

take care,
J.

Good News!

Did I tell you that I got engaged last month? :-)

Everything happened in a jiffy. He is my colleague. We both got to interact with each other since last June/July. After a few days, he has raised the thought of both of us getting married. Didn't really expect this from him/someone and was all confused/shocked. Same time, lot of personal issues were happening at my family/relatives side w.r.t my wedding (posted few stuff here). I too thought like it would be good getting someone who likes me for what I am and understands me and my family ppl/dependancy. So, we thought of proceeding if ppl at home are ok with this. Things went well and we had a small function at my home last month inviting our close friends at work and apartment ppl.

Ours is a different story. Cant say its a usual love marriage or arranged marriage. I wonder even now :-) Spent only a few days as friends, became close friends in a short period, he has raised this thought, lot of confusions in me, wanted to let my family know abt this (Ahhh evloo kashtapatten idha solrathuku :(), if ppl at both home are ok then I wanted to develop all thoughts abt him. Dont know what to call it. Ah, all human rules and regulations :-) I always thought I would be marrying someone who is selected by my mom or relatives. Never knew I would end up with this person :p This is a sudden twist in my normal life story :-) not sure if i am conveying it properly.

Anyways, he is very sweet. Always had lot of confidence that he would marry me and live with me :-):-) will write more later :-)

He got transferred to our parent company in US and he left Hyderabad 15 days back. wedding will be early next year! me started my ground work for getting a job there.

Missing him a lot, managing work, ppl at my home, in-laws (who too miss their son). Experiencing all sort of emotions, extremely happy sometimes, sad & insecured sometimes--good and bad, all mixed up. enna solrathu. hhmm.

Thought of writing abt this once the wedding date is fixed but no patience :-) Whenever I want to write abt him or his ppl or abt ourselves I should have some reference ryt. I am becoming restless if I want to say something here but when i think that the ppl who read it dont understand what I write, I stop myself posting it. irukara prachanaila why avloo kashtam? :-) I have only this place where i can write whatever i want to. Already I am not that good in writing--third person elaam poattu ezhutharathu is difficult for me :p So, thought of posting this news today.

athaan story :-)

Note: I wrote abt "my" sweet person only in this post :-) (8th point thavira). His mother tongue is Telugu and he does not understand Tamizh :( Ahh ippadi oru Tamizh patrulla oru ponuku epdi elaam vaazhkai amaithu paarungha :-):D

byee,
J.

pat in the back

He was waiting for her in the apartment basement. "Why didnt she come yet? Her usual time is 9-9.30am, what is she doing at home?" he was restless and seeing the steps for her arrival. She used to say him a "hi" whenever she goes to office and while coming back too. He likes to see her smile, her affection for him, a caring "hi" only to him. He feels proud for getting a share of love from this girl. He reminscies all the happy moments that HE spent with this girl, all the love this girl showed for HIM and felt bad for her missing those moments and HIM. He felt happy that atleast he is able to exist in her vicinity. Thinking all these for a few mins, he again started looking at the steps, thinking "Girl, come down soon...".

She got up late today, spent time with family and started by 10.15am. She was rushing to office, came down, forgot her usual hi and crossed him. He did not expect this from her and starred at her sadly. She went till the gate and realised that she missed something, stopped there for a while, remembered him and turned back. He smiled at her. She walked towards him and told "U think I forgot U? How do I miss U, sweetie" and patted on his back and left office. He blushed :-).

He then thought to himself "how long would I be getting this love? will the new owner or his family treat me like this?". He, the to-be-sold Hero Honda bike continued thinking of his present owner who has left his wife/family here and has gone to some foreign country to work. The bike faced the entrance gate and started waiting for her (the owner's wife) arrival again!

Kaadhal Kondein

Me carry lunch box from home. Always ask my mom to give proper food kept in a proper way in the box too, so that there is no embarrasment when I have with someone. I need not say too, cos mom is a good cook and has an art in her hands; she keeps our home very neat and always concentrate in cleaning the home.

oru naal ...

That day, Amma cooked some parupu (Ah, forgot the name) in the morning which has been soaked all through the night. Lunch ku idly nu nenaikaren. and side dish intha kurumaa koduthaangha.

Scene location: cafeteria

I went to have food and my friend came and sat with me. Me happily opened the lunch box, I sensed the kuruma smell with that paruppu smell too. I realized that its cos the whole morning time the box has been closed and obviously we cant avoid the smell.

My friend slowly told me "I think the food is spoiled, some smell is coming out of it". I was like Grrrr. Asked him to move to another table if he cant sit there and I continued my lunch. Felt bad for sometime but after I came home, it was all fun explaining it to my mom and sis :-)

"kadaisiyaa ennai kaadhal kondein Dhanush maathri aakitiyaeee" nu amma kita kathitu irunthen LOL :D

J

Kirukals for today

[Note: Just bear this post if you dont understand anything. Me thought or tried not to post the dull stuff always but circumstances force me to. Wanted to vent out so that I will sleep well for today]

* "Everything is happening for our good" -- nice quote to remember, but _hard_ to follow when you are facing the bad situation. Experienced the pain today. Immediate thing came/coming to my mind [as most ppl do] is "enaku en ippadi aaganum?. naan enna thappu pannen?"

* Circumstances/fate make us take some decision and leave us abrubtly. After we come back to reality, we will ask ourself "is that me who did that? how could I do that?". will feel like a magic only. ya, life is a magic. idhaan Baba movie'la vanthuchaa? "elaam maayai"--thalaivar solra maathri :-)
Ah, how come, started with a different mood but using smiley and all :-) "idukkan varungaal naguga" la?

Missing my mom and sister. Scolding my dad to leave us like this or lived a careless life which lead to _all_ my insecured problems, always scared of something, not able to differentiate good/bad ppl, easily getting tamed by ppl who show some little care for me and trust them easily and want to hold them for lifetime and what not! I deserve this--what else can I say. Never knew that the day would end like this.

Ok, let me try to post some funny stuff which I wanted to write today morning.

lets have a peaceful week ahead :-)

My mom and sis are coming this Thursday. still 3 more days to go huh? Ufff.

J

Song

Happened to see this song ("kaana kannil" from the malayalam movie, police) in SS TV. Such a lovely picturization! Need not say about the locations in Kerala--soo pleasant for eyes. Would chill us out if we see/listen to these kinda songs in this hot climate or in a bad mood.

Try it out!

J

Dual monitor

Yippeee! me got a dual monitor just now :-) company has started providing to all senior technical staff -- blush blush :p

My desk is looking gigantic, hi-fi now. Am experiencing a good, fresh feeling for having a new thing at my place. sweeet :-) want to play with it for sometime. but me got to complete somework before today afternoon. So, let me work with only one monitor for now :-)

konjam over'a enakae theriyuthu..engha poi mudiya pothoo LOL :D

Have a nice day everyone!

J

Back to aerobics

Yehhh, I am gonna start my aerobics classes from today. Leg is ok now, so thought of doing atleast body conditioning and yoga if not the jumping and dancing cardio classes.

intha dancers elaam romba naal aadama irunthutu, thideernu etho sabadhathula oru naal salangaya dhoosu thatti eduthu podara maathri, I have taken my socks and shoes today LOL :D

sari me got to go. catch you later.

tata :-)

Happy Morning :-)

Haiii, a very fresh morning to all :-)

I woke up by 6'o clock today which is not possible when am at home :p Ah, how nice the sunrise is, the early morning weather, the breeze--blissful :-) Heyyy, u know what, we have treadmill here, so me practiced for 15 min today and burnt 60 calories :-) I know its very less but its good to see the calories reading when it increases. wooo hooo :-) am going to continue that. mmmm apram, helped aunty cleaning the house, had coffee with her, talked to her for sometime. Am going to get ready to office now.

sari chumma chumma kashtapadakoodathu...en thaan sila per kutty kutty vishayamku elaam kashtapadaraanghalo chachacha ;-)

Have a very nice week ahead :-)

tata,
J.

Bad luck yesterday

[Another reason for my bad mood]

Amma and sis wanted to go to my native place. Booked tickets for them long time back. Yesterday was busy with packing, shopping. 8'oclock was the train time in Kacheguda. I was busy with the person who came from TataIndicom for the broadband connection. Amma is generally lazy and doesnt get ready unless somebody--always me--shouts at her. After done with all stuff, we left by 7'oclock from home. Lot of traffic and signals in the way and was a bit tensed that they would miss the train. Amma was making fun abt something and made the situation normal. Sis also commented that "thirumbi vara porathuku ipdi sirichutu poyitu irukom". Me gave the instruction that they shall get into any coach and go to AS2 internally. I had to get the platform ticket too. Reached the station by 7.55 or so, mind was all tensed up.

Me paid the auto guy, sis struggling to carry the luggages, went inside the station. Heard the announcement that blah express is in blah platform and was about to leave. A porter there asked us abt the train and after we said, he was shouting at us that its abt to leave and asked us to give the bags. I thought he wanted to get money from us and unnecessarily alerting us. I ran to get the platform ticket. Meanwhile, sis gave bags to the porter and that guy was hurrying us to cross the platform and told there was no time to climb the bridge. Me already a person who gets tensed up soo soon and this situation was not an exception. My sis being thin jumped down and started crossing the railway track. Me managed to do the same and cant expect the same from my poor mom. Train was there till then. I was trying to find a place where my mom can get support to climb up. I too was carrying kutty kutty bags. My mom managed to climb up and immediately we rushed near the train. The train started moving!!! ufff it was hard to see/realize that we missed the train. Never happened before. Appa kooda, I was trying to make amma and sis get into the train as it would be moving very slowly but that would be risky. Sis was cool enough and told me "Relax Relax". Amma was blinking and asked me "ipdi kooda aaguma ma?". she was about to cry. Even a simple disappoinment can easily make her/me cry. Sis is not like that.
Hhmm everybody was seeing us. commenting abt the way we came. Had my mom/me tried to climb as soon as we crossed the track, we wouldnt have missed the train. Just a min difference. Ahhh horrible. Sis has reminded me of a fwd which tells the importance of time which goes like this:

To realize the importance of a sec, ask an athlet who missed the first position..
To realize the importance of a min, ask someone who missed the train..

blah blah

we realized it !!!!

Later, came down and cancelled the ticket, got 50% money back and was wondering wat to do. Amma wanted to cancel the trip itself cos of this. Me and sis thought for a while and enquired abt the bus travels nearby. All buses were booked as it is a school holiday season here. watever. managed to get tickets till Tirupathi. My guys have to go to Chennai from there. I had to go my relatives home after they leave. It was 9ish by then. Got tiffen for 3 of us, gave enough instructions to my mom and sis as to how to be careful while travelling in the bus. They are new to travelling alone. Always I used to be there but this time, I couldnt go with them. I generally dont trust anyone and be _extra_ cautious when I travel. but amma and sis apdi illai. Didnt have confidence at all to leave them alone. Sis was giving me konjam dhariyam and asked me to proceed.

I got an auto and started to my relative's place. Called up my brother, uncle and informed abt the train.
people went to sleep. Me didnt get sleep for a long time. Didnt have any number to call to. Nobody was reachable :'(:'(
My aunty was asking few questions and was answering with the blocked throat. The more she asked abt the train and mom/sis, the more heavy my heart was and finally I bursted out. She noticed that I was crying and was asking me not to do so. But I couldnt. My nose too was blocked and was trying hard to breathe. Sat for sometime, starred at my mobile and read the SMS I got from "my person" and was crying more only. Ugghhhhh :'( went to loo, washed my face with cold water and came to hall and sat for sometime. Aunty got up immediately and asked me "what r u doing there?". Happpaaa, I was all scared and felt out of place:'( Thought I would have gone home and come here a day later. I was helpless and went to bed again. I was weeping weeping weeping, which ppl say that nothing changes if you cry, but it helped me getting my eyes tired, removed some burden out of my heart, calmed down by heart beats and made me sleep finally!

Am alone

Alone--mentally alone!

my family is out of town. me staying at my relatives place. Have companion to talk to but not personally :'( totally out of place. All adding up my mental stress and all places are haunting. how do I explain it--I dont know :'(. I dont have friends--close friends--at work. Dont want to yap general stuff to my hi-bye friends. I need "someone" (physically existing nearby) to whom I can go and say "I am feeling bad, please do/say something"--like the kid in the movie Anjali says "enaku azhuga azhugayaa varuthu, ethaaavathu pannennnnnnn". Other close friends are busy with job and family. Agreed that everyone has their own problems but to me now mine is difficult to handle. no mood to do any stuff. Heart is heavy all the time. To be frank, its aching. Feel like dying only :'( Controlling my tears. No person nearby who matches my frequency, so that I can do stuff to avoid this mood. Just passing every sec with great difficulty :'( :'( feeling jealous if I see people going in a group, chit chatting, enjoying themselves. office, home, other places--I hate to go.

how many books do I read or hear advice from others :'( why am i not able to change myself. Why is it difficult for me to overcome these senti feelings? why am i not happy for whatever I have? Hhmm

GMail

You guys are able to open your gmail account?? I couldnt since yesterday afternoon. But I do receive (g)mails from others which means they are able to, ryt? Help!

J

Update: I am able to access my GMail account now!!

Naadhaswaram

I have a collection of Namagiripettai Krishnan' Naadhaswaram. After a long time, today, after I came to office, I played a couple of songs from it. OMG, it was sooo refreshing, serene:-) Ah, instrumental pieces bring up different kinda emotional energy within us. Esp Naadhaswaram with Mirudhangam, which we (atleast I) generally hear in our relatives wedding where we used to be in a very good mood, with our relatives, wearing new dress, jewels, seeing ppl in all smiles, early morning sunlight--all positive stuff ryt. That could be the reason for boosting our energy level when we listen to these kinda music again. what u say? romba romba MangaLagarama iruku. I am experiencing it today :-)

Have a nice day everyone!

J

Two wheeler

planning to buy a two wheeler. Which one is the good choice?

Change :-)

Yehhh, template maathitennnn--Idhebdi iruku B-)

was browsing few templates. My fav color is green, so idha try pannalaamnu thonuchu :-)

Ogay, tataa...Have a happy weekend :-)

J

Update: Changed the template again. The clarity of text was not that good in the earlier one, though the backgroud was too cool. Anyway, hows this?

Insurance & Family

I didnt insure myself till last year. I always treated it as a long term investment scheme and why I need to wait to get the returns after 20/30 years nu, I was not interested. we had a session reg new tax related stuff couple of months back. In that, the guy has mentioned that if you are the only earning member in the family, then you should insure--its mandatory. we cannot compensate the loss of the person in the family, but atleast the family will not have monetary issues because of his/her demise till they recover from the incident. All known facts only, but when I heard this time, I took it konjam seriously and mulled over on that and realized the importance of it.

Finally I got a term policy last month.

I was talking to my mom, told her that these are all the investments that I made till now, and I have a insurance policy too which covers X amount. I told her that I am keeping the documents in this file and elaathulayum nominee un per thaan ma koduthu irukennu solli mudikarthukulavae she started crying .."en da rajaa ipdi elaam solra"nu :-) paavam :-)

naanum senti'aana inum scene'aa pogumnu, I replied her in an authoritative tone "ithellam sonna udanae ethavathu aagumnu artham illai. U should know what I am doing, how much savings I have, how much money somebody borrowed from me etc etc"nu. paavama kaetutu irunthaangha.

Generally, the head of the family should discuss all these things with his wife/kids. Ennoda Appa didnt do, so we didnt know how much money he gave it others or got from others. And, after 6 years of his demise, only last year we came to know that he got a LIC policy and we got some money. But he didnt pay the premium for sometime, so they have taken some amount and gave back the rest.

Anyway, Just my thoughts ... :-)

New songs

Pongal'ku release aana songs inum sariya kaekalai...yet to pickup the good ones and make my favs :p

Sila songs, you will start liking when you listen for the first time la? antha maathri, in this movie Dishyum, one song is always asked by ppl in SS music or some tv...These words are catchy in the song "Nenjangootil" ...I liked the last couple of lines in the two para "Nenjaan kootil, nenjaan kootil, nenjaan kootil neeyae nirkiraaiiii peNae" blah blah....I liked it :-)...I dont have that song in my comp, so listening from Raaga right now. thought I would share this here :-)

btw, pudhu songs la ethu nalla iruku???

J

Karuthu

"Niraivaeriya aasaigalai kandu manam amaidhi adaivadhillai
Niraivaeraadha aasaigalai nenaithae maranam varai poraadugirathu"

-yaaro

My Amma used to write all these kinda quotes in a diary and we have pasted few ones in the wall too. Read the above one today morning and related to my situation. Felt like someone has slapped me in the face.

J